The Church of Twelve Angry Men and The Last Action Hero
Your followers are friendly and welcoming people,
who work for a living just like everybody else,
who are free and fun loving,
and who are encouraged to achieve greater spiritual enlightenment by questioning their own beliefs.
Your followers must all wear
a condom in their wallet (just in case)
a friendship bracelet
Your followers are
swelling (over 80,000,000),
and they don't interfere with the beliefs of outsiders.